How To Deal With A Bullying Boss

Assuming you’re dealing with a bully of the “manageable variety”–with episodic flare-ups, versus a lawsuit-worthy bully–here’s how to manage up, according to Taylor and Teach:

v Intervene early. Pay close attention to early warning signs that your usually mild-mannered boss is about to morph into a bully, Taylor says. “If you know your boss resorts to bullying under stress, try to minimize the stress factors. Has he had a bad day? Postpone unnecessary meetings until the coast is clear. Was he pushed around by his boss, or by a client? When in doubt, if you notice a warning sign, get out of the way. Just as you shouldn’t stick your face near the snout of a snarling dog, you should remove yourself from the path of a manic bully until things cool off.”

v Set limits. Don’t be a martyr and work unreasonable hours or accept discourteous behavior. You won’t do yourself or your company any good, Taylor says. “Being able to say ‘no’ can be quite liberating, and might even earn you some respect from your bully boss.”

v Speak to your co-workers. Is your boss only bullying you or do they do it to all of their employees? If you’re the only one being bullied, is it because you’re not doing your job properly or is it something personal? It may be simply that your boss doesn’t like you. Ask your co-workers for advice on how to handle the situation, Teach suggests.

v Use positive reinforcement. When your bullying boss treats you with respect, thank her for her kindness, Taylor says. “Tell her how she inspires you to work hard whenever she’s positive and polite.” Become a role model of good citizenship yourself, displaying unwavering courtesy to your boss. If you have to, overdo it to send the message. “Never fight fire with fire; don’t act like a bully in response to bullying.”

v Be a good role model. Setting a good example of the demeanor you want your boss to emulate can help. “Praising another’s work, giving credit and remaining calm when your boss can’t, will help your boss better see the light,” Taylor says.

v Speak to your Human Resources department. When all else fails, speak to your HR department, Teach says. “Keep in mind that while they will listen to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will take action or will be on your side. If your boss gets results, HR may overlook their bullying tactics. I’ve personally seen an example of several people leaving a department over time because of a bullying supervisor until that supervisor was finally fired. Where was HR during this mass exodus? I do believe that HR departments need to be much more proactive in preventing workplace bullying.”

v If your boss is abusive, garner support. If your boss truly is out-of-control, bordering on abusive, seek assistance from coworkers, other managers and/or outside council. “You need support through this process,” Taylor explains. “If confronting your bully boss directly is not an option, go to a higher-level manager or a human resources manager and present your concerns. Be honest, and be prepared to give examples of the abusive, bullying behavior. It usually takes more than one person to topple a bully but, with outside support, you have a chance.” If all else fails and the job is simply untenable, then it’s time to visit your favorite job board and start networking.

Namie says confronting the boss is “rarely effective and ill-advised.” In early 2012, WBI asked 1,598 individuals who were personally familiar with workplace bullying what strategies they adopted to get their bullying to stop, and whether those actions were effective. Here’s what they said:

1.       About 38% of bullied employees essentially did nothing. In other words, he or she let time pass, hoping matters would improve on their own. Effectiveness of doing nothing: 3.25%

2.      About 70% of employees directly confronted the perpetrator. Effectiveness of confronting: 3.57%

3.      About 71% of bullied employees asked the perpetrator’s boss to intervene and stop it. Effectiveness of seeking support from bully’s boss: 3.26%

4.      About 74% told senior management/owner, expecting support.
Effectiveness of seeking support from senior management/owners: 3.69%

5.      About 60% of those in unions asked their union to intervene and stop it.
Effectiveness: 8.84%

6.      About 43% of employees filed a formal complaint with HR alleging a policy violation. Effectiveness of telling HR: 4.7%

7.      About 19% filed a complaint with an external state or federal agency. Effectiveness of filing a complaint with EEOC, etc.: 11.9%

8.     About 34% of bullied workers tried to find an attorney to file a lawsuit.
Effectiveness of finding an attorney: 11.2%

9.      About 9%, or 379 respondents, did file a lawsuit. Effectiveness of filing a lawsuit: 16.4%

“Employers are responsible for all work conditions and the assignment of workers to supervisors,” Namie says. “So, employers can stop workplace bullying if they wanted to. No laws yet compel action or policies, so all employer actions would be voluntary.” About 68% of executives think workplace bullying is a serious problem—but few organizations (5.5%) are doing anything about it.

The bottom line is that if you’re being bullied at work, and your employer isn’t doing anything about it, “you owe it to yourself to do what you can to try and stop it,” Teach adds. “If you fail, you should give yourself credit for at least trying to improve the situation. At that point, you have the choice to stay or leave. You should make the decision that’s best for you.”

Taylor agrees. She says “your best option is to decide whether you want to manage up with your bully boss, or bow out.” What is your tolerance level, and what are the pros and cons of the job overall? “You must weigh the level of discomfort with your ability to be assertive, and also take a hard look at the big picture.”

Jacquelyn Smith Forbes Staff